Friday, June 20, 2008

Ahhh...the past...on record...

Well, we were searching (tearing apart the house) in search of Big Daddy's pastoral ordination certificate. I have to give myself credit, because credit is due. Y'all, I put that thing away so safely...I can't even find it. I remember thinking, I really need to get this framed quickly and I put it away in a safe spot. Hmmm...anyway.

I came across a journal I had written when the kids were in 2nd and 3rd grade. I was a stay at home mom to kids that were in school full time...go timing has always been a little off. I came a cross a post from 9/30/2003. It reads Watched another Baby Story. How those stories make me yearn for another baby even more. He said the older guys at work said that I would get over it in about a year or two....I have even considered adoption...He is totally against it-he doesn't think he could love another child like our own....I think he could. Then on 10/9/2003 I wrote that I have been on the computer the past 2 days looking at all these beautiful children that need families. I know I could love that child just like my own two. My heart breaks for these kids. He wants to get a vasectomy reversal so that we can try for another baby. Later in the entry I wrote The procedure is so costly. I still would love to go through with it but in the back of my heart I feel like it is God telling us to accept the decision we made back in 1996. There is a reason it is so I supposed to bring in a child from the foster care system? Am I just supposed to be embrace my family every minute like it were my last? And at the end of the entry I wrote...For now I will just wait for which direction God wants our family to go. I feel like I am tugging on the reigns too hard. I am just going to let go of them for a while. If I am supposed to have another child - I will.

I read these outloud to Big Daddy and tears kept coming to my was a fresh smell of the past.

All I can say is we serve an awesome God!! Never would I have imagined submitting our first paperwork for adoption 5 months after this post. And the 10/03 post I shared with you is exactly the time that Hope's birth mom would have become pregnant with her!!! Omigoodness...cold chills!! I am so thankful that God allowed me to stumble across this shows how he was softening and changing our hearts for a baby that was conceived, half way across the world, I am not talking coincidence...I am talking true divine intervention!!! Isn't it cool that He totally had it planned out to every last detail?

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