Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Broken Heart.....

Omigoodness....last night was probably one of the hardest nights (actually about 3 hours) I have had to endure as a mother....I don't know if I am made of the stuff Mom's are supposed to be made of...I think I am failing pretty miserably to be honest.

My oldest daughter had her heart broken last night. I am talking full on heart broken...I know her heart will never be the same. This will be the one she remembers...I think. Has she had a "boyfriend" - well not according to my definition. But to her, and her heart, which is what really matters here...ummm, yeah...as she would say.

I keep thinking where did I fail in preparing her for this? I am sure we talked about this and boys and how sometimes, some boys are just more fascinated with getting the girl than the actual girl. But, this was 'the' boy....the one she has 'liked' for about 6 months....and this summer, well, he took notice. And he is good...he says the right things, heck...he posted "I love you Faith" on his stinkin' myspace...how do you do that and remain really cool as a young man? And this kid is cool. And from what I hear, calculated.

I lost it...I mean, completely lost it....I could not bear it or fix it or speak it away. It was something she had to endure and it was bound to happen but I was caught off guard. She is tough...she doesn't cry easily or often. But, y'all this girl was crushed and was crying like I don't think I have seen in probably a good 10 years. Broke my heart to see my baby hurting....Big Daddy, he didn't get it...at first. I tried to tell him why I was crying (I didn't do it in front of Faith)...I am not talking wailing...just silent, can't really speak, tons of tears crying...it felt stupid when it was happening...but I just couldn't control it....I am also going to claim the woman syndrome here...as it is true and perhaps it played a part with my feelings. Anyway....how is a Mom supposed to be able to stand there and not lose it when we too experienced that first broken heart and identify with the heartache that accompanies it? I couldn't lie to her and say...it doesn't matter...because y'all...it does. As silly as some may think this was...it wasn't to her and if you can think back to your first crush...I am sure you will remember (maybe only females...not sure about the males) how devastating it felt, even if you were 12.

There is something that happens when you become a Mom...I have heard that old saying :
"Making the decision to parent a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." I think it is true.

Just to clarify, it was her hurting heart that got me...I wasn't crazy over her liking this kid...discouraged it as much as I could. Her friends and Hunter's friends warned her about him. But you know how it goes. Oh, and I wasn't upset at the actual fact that he decided he didn't want to "go out with her" anymore, actually it was a blessing and I think she even knows that. She had thought a few times about breaking up with him because of things he would say...oh, sorry, I mean text...totally different, and never to her face. And she couldn't...so I feel like the Lord stepped in for her...He sees the big picture and He is her father and He loves her and wants what is best for her, even when it hurts.

When Big Daddy finally saw her, and realized how upset she was he wanted to swoop in on the white horse and rescue her. He offered her Marble Sl*b, Bra*ms and eventually it was St*rbucks that got her up and out. She came in to tell me she would be back in a minute and was still crying....oh, Lord, bless this time with Big Daddy and Faith. He said he spoke, she listened..but in about an hour after they returned...she was back, Vanilla Frappuccino in hand and recovered soon, very nice. I had wanted to be the one to take Faith...but I stepped back and let Big Daddy take her. I know how important that relationship is and how much it needs to be nurtured and protected.

By the end of the night...she was "thankful" that she wasn't going out with him anymore...did you all here that...."thankful".....ahhh, now that's my girl ;0)

*Just for the record...Faith approved this post...I'd never share something so personal without her permission.

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