Monday, August 18, 2008

A Touchy Subject...

Well, a day or so before we left we had unexpected company, who Big Daddy hasn't seen in years show up (I was never so happy to be "flying") and stay a while. I was soooo proud of Big Daddy. Right off the bat he was hit with a few of my pet peeviest questions..." got two real kids and these two here?"(in front of our 4 year old...very good listening child Hope) Which Big Daddy responded quickly with "They are all my real kids. But yes, two are biological and two are adopted." And the ever famous "Well, they ain't really sisters are they?" and Big Daddy swiftly took this one with "Yes, they are really sisters just not by blood." I was so proud of him. I have my words pre-chosen for most of the questions we receive but it still blows my mind when they ask such questions with no regard to our daughter who completely understands them and is standing with us.

We get these types of questions in Wal Mart and the like, out to eat, in doctor's offices, gas stations, church, family name it. And, I don't even mind the questions if it is someone who is contemplating adoption or wanting to know more because they love our family or even are just curious (sometimes). But some should be saved until our kids are out of the area. For people who are just nosey or sometimes even trying to be hurtful...I just don't have much patience.

Here are some regularly asked questions...see how well you'd respond...especially if your babies were right there with you. I have included what I have responded with and even somethings said are just too hateful to share. I am not naive in that I don't expect everyone to just know and understand. I would like to be able to expect common courtesy. And if it is a person truly interested in adoption...I have given my phone number, email and even business cards of our agency to help. I will talk with them and share our experiences as much as I can. Now, if someone is being pushy or a little nasty...I usually pick up on that and they get my "smarter, if any" response.

"How much do they cost?"
Actually, she is priceless...there are fees associated with adoption but only for lawyers, governments, travel and paperwork.

"Are you their real mother?"
Yes. I really am.

"Why didn't you buy an American kid?"
A child who needs a family is just that. A child who needs a family. I don't think it really matters where they were born. China happens to be where the Lord led us.

"I bet it is expensive...why didn't you just have your own?"
She is our own child. But the fees are really less than most cars cost. Most people don't bat an eye at purchasing a new car. I also tell them about the tax credit offered by the fed. gov.

"I've been seeing a lot of Chinese and black kids with white moms lately...I just thought they were mixed breeds. I guess a lot of people buy other race kids now."
I just stood there...speechless and had to walk off....I could feel some words a brewing that I sure did not want my 4 year old to hear....and yes, I did repent.

"How many real kids do you have?"
Four...everyone of them is real. I haven't had a fake one and walk off.

"Could y'all not have real kids?" (when I don't have our older two with me)
Actually, we do...all four of our kids are
The following was a quote off one of my many adoption support groups:

Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.
-Rita Laws PhD

There are so many more questions and comments that we have....and now with Love having the port wine stain so visible...we get a lot of questions and comments...but for the most part people just thinking it was a rash or burn. I don't mind that...but I pray about giving both of our girls the words and wisdom they will need to be equipped to answer questions, correct misconceptions, and protect themselves for what lies ahead of them. It wasn't their choice to leave their birth country, their familiar people, smells, sounds and was our choice....only it wasn' didn't feel like a choice at all. It felt like a necessity...a yearning....truly being led to each one of them. I am so thankful for them...I just don't want to let them down...but I know they will witness me fail trying to protect them.

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